Living famous -------- online

Good Evening all, thank you for patience, and I hope you'll enjoy today's rant of mine. I humbly welcome for those who just found my rant’s holy grail.


My dear, sweet readers,

For a long time, I keep wondering how famous am I (in a larger perspective, how INFLUENTIAL) to people that know me on the internet. I've been mingled myself inside the online world since 1996. By today, I'm able to keep my old yahoo e-mail accounts functional (That e-mail was created back in 1997). I think that was my biggest achievements to date… hahaha.

That doesn't make me a famous netizen. If my "internet knowledge" achievements are measured per today's standards (at least, a Malaysian standard). I’m nothing. I’m someone that lives with countless online aliases because I’m merely a cipher.

I applaud the new generations that take initiative to utilized the “goodness” of the internet. Truthfully, they just excel by having uncountable FB followers, become an Instafamous, and “twenty-four seven” keyboard warriors. Opppssss!!!

My friend constantly asked me about my tendency to keep small numbers of friends on my FB / Instagram account (375 friends is a HUGE number for me). I can't remember 75 percent of people that I used to be a friend before. Why I should keep them in my friend list anyway? Yes, it is a shame. Kejam giler !!! My ex-PhD supervisor thinks that I’m such a tacky girl because I usually leave his WhatsApp messages not replied. But, that is another story.. *cough* *cough*.

If you think I should stop embracing the social networking world, you are correct. I'm getting tired of it. I’ve been enslaved myself in the social networking world for 21 years. But, needing me to close my “virtual social” history? NO. I’ll just leave it clean and appropriate.

Some of my friend knows that I’m good when making some real friends. But, to have big circles of people as my close friends? NO. That does not work well for me. I’m a selective person. I don’t wish to experience that sort of “bond” because it has usually prevented me to spread myself to gain new friends.

Starting this year, I've decided to have a minimal amount of selfie picture on my FB and other social accounts. I’ll “filtered” it in a creative way (I’m talking about adding unrealistic color and presets to conceal my “trypophobic” cum wrinkled skin) because that is one way to express myself and to stay sane. I tend to hate a spotless/poreless selfie” nowadays. Perhaps, I’m trying too hard to be “beautiful”. I haven’t experienced this kind of critics in the past 7 years. Probably people talking how ugly am I behind my back, which is a childish and unharmed intention.

Who am I trying to kid anyway? The internet nowadays is a cruel world. I can’t change people’s perception of my figures. Therefore, let me be the ugly swan and unmarried (okay that is going too far) if I want it too… I’ll be happy about it.


As I’m writing this, I keep thinking why do I persist in staying blogging? I’m sure that nobody will take my words seriously… right?

Right….?  Right….?

..........

Since nobody reads this hunk of junk…. I’m gonna type whatever comes to my mind Hahaha !!!

New year: More "single's statement" to come

Happy New Years to you,

I believe some of you have constructed a personal target for 2017. For me, I'm still reminiscing what are the bad moment I've encountered in 2016. Therefore, reduce chances of it to re-occur again this year. A few hours ago, I've looked my on FB memory list for past years post, and I can't help to write what I felt over this statement I've written back in 3 years ago (2014)

12 years ago... I was sitting down with few of my Dip. MLT (Medical Lab Technologist) friends with a survey paper in our hand to fill up. There is one question asking us what is our target age to get married. One of my female friends confidently writes 40 (yes.... FORTY). While others think her answer is funny, I feel "amazed" by it, and I ask her why? She thinks that she is not ready to get married and need more time to embrace the "freedom" and the beauty of the world. Me?.. I just stated 28 years old... Guess what, my 28 moment is full of crap and heartbreak. It makes me questioned myself if I'm relevant enough to get married since people defines me superficially and I myself wasn't sure what I can offer to make the marriage work. I never found "love" and wondering.... Maybe I should write "never married" if the questionnaire offers to fill in a blank option. No sweat!

Since I was a teenager, I've dreamed that by the age of 28 years old, I shall get married and have kids. Never in my goddamn mind thinking that my life might end single or at least, gets married in my 40's. My life during 28 years of age is so complicated, it makes me think that God is telling me that love and marriage for me is a no go.

You might say that whatever I felt is an itsy-bitsy problem. I don't mind about it. Currently, I'm in my mid-30's, and still a single lady with no "champion" to claims his love for me. In addition, I'm very lucky to be surrounded by friends that is single and in their 30's (some are 40's and 50's) as well. I wouldn't ask them why they are still single. Because, after judging their response to such questions uttered by other people, their response are defensive to my ear.... and I hate that.

Back in January 2016, I've confessed my love to a wrong guy. At least he told me he does love me before. But, I hate that he didn't come to "fight" to earned my love. I never blamed him or my other so-called exes. I blamed myself.... Personally, it's a "correct" way to do in order to forgive me.

Why I hate defensive responses when people asked about relationship status? It is because I believe, some of us do not "embracing" our current status itself. Do I like to be single, married, divorce, waiting for a miracle? So, I've come with these same answer, according to what I believe is a comforting, and humble responses.

For example,

Do I like to be single? 

Yes, I do... Thank you.

Do you want to get married? 

(I rather say that) I do, but I'm still doing well as a single ladies.

Why? 

Because I can love myself more. I don't have enough slots to share my legal love to other people.

Probably your are unfit to get married.

Yes you are right, no doubts about that, and I'm not contributing to divorce case statistics<----- don't fucking say that... it's defensive 

But YOUR religion encourages you to find a man to get married. You can't go anywhere without a man to protect you. You will earn more Pahala (blessing) for Jannah.

Probably God saw that too many idiots on this earth. He'd decided to keep me like this... for a while <--- safe statement I assume

You shall pray for it... Every single day

I will *keep thinking that these idiots like to get themselves fucked and acting Trump to us*

Now, this is the point where you might become defensive. Those ignorant bastards think is your fault to not pray for a man to love. Please ditch your friend that says such ridiculous thing. This is the thing I hate to response when it comes to "religious-based" statement. If that was correct, if marriage is the only way to make a person happy, God should grant me a good man to protect me a looooog time ago. But nooo... He still left me here... hanging with my emotions. :p

I hope that this post will inspire single people like us to embrace our status, and prevents us from making any defensive statement just to save ourselves. 

I was ditched because he told me that "Let God decides what is best for our jodoh (relationship)"

Honestly, I hate that. I decide not to argue and stop talking to him. How long... it depends on God decisions right???.

Recently, He asked my friends why am I stop talking to him.

Damn, can God tells him why I've stopped talking to him???.. bah !!!!!!

This is a mad world we live in...